Electric Cartilage And The Games That Don't Exist

Te Occidere Possunt Sed Te Edere Non Possunt Nefas Est

(NSFW) TittyTechâ„¢ in Diablo: a brief slice of gaming history

succubus model

Replaying the original Diablo recently reminding me of a little (or should I say, big) aspect that was never duplicated with as much success in the sequels.

I’m talking of course about the boobs.

Players who managed to reach the deepest levels of Diablo were given a break from the sight of skeletons and goatmen, and were rewarded with the welcoming view of the Succubi and their massive, swinging breasts.

In order to achieve this level of breast fidelity Blizzard North had to use the third party proprietary software known as TittyTechâ„¢.
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The Butcher in Diablo 1: a moment of perfect game design

butcher room outside

I think that the height of game design lies in the designers ability to give the player the freedom to choose how he approaches the game, and nevertheless the player still gets a specific and intended experience.

There’s a moment of perfect game design in Diablo (by Blizzard North), and it is has to do with the Butcher.

When you first start playing Diablo, you’re almost guaranteed to get the Butcher Quest. It’s your first quest and it’s your first boss battle.

The Butcher’s room is unique. And when the players first encounter it they can immediately tell that there’s something special and foreboding about this room. The room is on the second floor (very early in the game) and its isolation, design, and bloody, gory props are completely different than anything the players encountered so far.

They’re almost guaranteed to make the connection between this room and the Butcher Quest. They know what they will encounter behind the door to this gut strewn place.

Already this is pretty good game design. But this is where the design of this boss battle becomes ingenious:

At this point, there is no possible way that players can beat the Butcher.
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Diablo 1 items: the beauty in “broken” game design

diablo six guardians

I recently was thinking about the original Diablo, which is still my favorite of the Diablos next to Diablo Cody and El Diablo, the Mexican Satan. But in terms of the video game series begun by Blizzard North (and later watered down by Blizzard Blizzard), D1 was a weirder, more interesting, and grittier game. It was definitely more Rogue-like than its successors, and while it had some rough edges, those rough edges gave it more character.

One thing in particular sums up what I like about the original Diablo and how Blizzard’s design principles changed over time.

Unique items were absolutely bonkers.
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Not Doom, E3 2015: how Bethesda fails to understand Doom

doom shotgun hallway

I was looking at Bethesda’s 2015 E3 presentation of the new Doom and I had some thoughts. Mainly they were about how what we were seeing WASN’T a Doom game and how modern developers either don’t understand what made Doom fun or don’t care. I mean, they don’t have to care because the brand name sells itself, but still.

One of the things that Doom was praised for was the speed of its gameplay and quantity of monsters to kill. Doom 3 was later derided for its lack of speed and lack of monsters. And now New Doom/Doom4 also looks pretty slow and pretty absent of hordes of monsters.

What developers like Bethesda and New id may not realize is that the speed of the the original Doom wasn’t just about the physical speed of the player.

There’s certain prerequisites that you need to meet before you can have a fast paced game with tons of monsters to kill: the visual communication of the playspace must be clear to the player; the types of monsters must be visually distinct from each other and from the environment; the playspace must be large and conducive to a range of movement; and the monsters have to actually be slower than the player.

A lot of that has to do with communicating to the player quickly and clearly. The more clear your visual design and enemy design happens to be, the faster the player can interpret the playspace, and the faster he can make decisions, leading to a faster gameplay.

But let’s take a look.

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The Cabal: finding the hidden lore in Destiny

battle against cabal

There is very little backstory for the Cabal, and what’s there is vague. I’ve looked at pretty much every piece of concept art online and in the book “The Art Of Destiny”. I’ve read every grimoire card. I’ve read almost all the flavor texts for items and weapons and armor.

I’ve found very little, or a lot, depending on how you look at it.

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Variks’ PoE dialogue is so stupid



This post is a critique and criticism of the Variks dialogue we saw in Bungie’s Twitch reveal of the Prison of Elders.

Note, this is a rage post. I throw down some opinions here. In some parts am I overreacting? Probably! And I’m okay with that! It’s healthy to rage every now and then.

Also, I intend to make a second post in the future where I put my money where my mouth is and rewrite Variks’ dialogue myself.

So, I recently saw the Prison of Elders reveal on Bungie’s twitch. You can find recordings of it all over youtube if you haven’t seen it already.

As I watched, a realization slowly began to dawn on me: Variks’ dialogue is the most moronic, imbecilic, talentless, pointless, worthless, vacuous, idiotic crap that I’ve ever heard, seen, or read.
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The Vex: Uncovering the hidden lore in Destiny

vex hobgoblin

A while ago I delved into the Lore behind the Hive, fueled by revelations found in old concept art. I decided to give a similar treatment to the Vex, although I use mostly grimoire cards and item flavor text to figure out what’s really going on with the Vex.
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