Electric Cartilage And The Games That Don't Exist

Te Occidere Possunt Sed Te Edere Non Possunt Nefas Est

Variks’ PoE dialogue is so stupid



This post is a critique and criticism of the Variks dialogue we saw in Bungie’s Twitch reveal of the Prison of Elders.

Note, this is a rage post. I throw down some opinions here. In some parts am I overreacting? Probably! And I’m okay with that! It’s healthy to rage every now and then.

Also, I intend to make a second post in the future where I put my money where my mouth is and rewrite Variks’ dialogue myself.

So, I recently saw the Prison of Elders reveal on Bungie’s twitch. You can find recordings of it all over youtube if you haven’t seen it already.

As I watched, a realization slowly began to dawn on me: Variks’ dialogue is the most moronic, imbecilic, talentless, pointless, worthless, vacuous, idiotic crap that I’ve ever heard, seen, or read.
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The Vex: Uncovering the hidden lore in Destiny

vex hobgoblin

A while ago I delved into the Lore behind the Hive, fueled by revelations found in old concept art. I decided to give a similar treatment to the Vex, although I use mostly grimoire cards and item flavor text to figure out what’s really going on with the Vex.
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“Your people require more maggot lollipops.” An unknown inspiration for Destiny.

What most people don’t realize, because Bungie has been very tight lipped about this, is that the Hive take a great deal of inspiration from a little known 1999 real time strategy/city building game called “Alien Nations”, by German Developer JoWooD Productions.

In Alien Nations you could select to play one of three alien species: the blue Pimmons, the large breasted and scantily clad Amazons (WTF???), and the insectoid Sajkhi.

alien nations race screen

It is the last of these that was the direct inspiration for Destiny’s Hive. Not only are the Sajkhi insects, like the Hive, but the Sajkhi also farm maggots which are their primary food source. It was the maggot farming that was the direct inspiration for the Hive’s worm narrative in Destiny:

alien nations sajkhi maggot

The Sajkhi also had a “Hall of Orgies” (WTF???) as their recreation building, so expect that to definitely be a Raid in the next Destiny expansion.

Dear Readers! Post in the comments if you’d like to join me in starting a kickstarter campaign for the world’s first Hall of Orgies! Wouldn’t all our lives be a little better if there was a Hall of Orgies in every city? Well, this kickstarter campaign is how we make that dream a reality. Post in the comments!

Finding Destiny’s hidden lore through concept art: the Truth of the Hive

oryx concept

I think that some aspects of Destiny’s lore that have yet to be revealed about the Hive can actually be guessed at by looking at some very old concept art from early in Destiny’s development.

TL;DR: There’s a “Conclusions and Theories” section all the way at the bottom of the page which sums everything up.

There’s some holes and loose ends to my theories, so let me know your own thoughts.


I was looking at this Hive concept art by Daniel Chavez, which I found at the two following links:

It appears that early in their design, the Hive were heavily influenced by moth imagery and biology. If you look at the concept art (some of which I’ll post here) you’ll see what look like Hive knights with colorful and elaborately detailed armor that is evocative of moth wings.

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Fun Gun Awards: Torque Bow from Gears of War


The Fun Gun Award™, is an award given to video game guns that aren’t necessarily effective, don’t necessarily give a player any tactical advantage, but which do have creative behavior, unique design, and which are fun to use. These guns might suck, but they’re so fun that I want to keep using them.

Last time I talked about the Storm Bow from Heretic 2. Now it’s time to talk about another fun bow.

The Torque Bow is a weird gun to get a Fun Gun Award™, mainly because it’s actually useful.

It’s useful, it’s unique, it’s versatile. It’s kind of an amazingly well designed weapon that can actually stand up to other weapons in Gears of War. And its design has barely changed over the series.
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Destiny Analysis Part 4: The story of Pathways into Darkness in reverse

craig mullins pid
This is part four of four to my analysis of Bungie’s Destiny.

Check out Part 1, where I look at visuals, level design, enemy design, etc.; Part 2: where I look at things like story, weapons, and whether it’s worth buying; and Part 3, where I talk about how things were named in Destiny

I believe that the overarching narrative of Destiny is actually an inverted, or reversed, retelling of the story in Pathways into Darkness, one of Bungie’s very first games. Basically, I think that Destiny is the PiD story told from the perspective of the monsters in PiD, and that the heroes in Pathways into Darkness are the villains in Destiny.

If this is true, then this let’s us make some predictions about the future of Destiny’s overarching story, although not about its gameplay or anything like that.

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Fun Gun Awards: Storm Bow from Heretic 2

storm bow 5

The Fun Gun Award™, is an award for video game guns that aren’t necessarily effective, don’t necessarily give a player a tactical advantage, but which have creative behavior, unique design, and are fun to use. These guns might suck, but they’re so fun that I WANT to learn to use them effectively.

I liked Heretic 2. Probably more than it deserves; or, less than it deserves. I liked the weapons, the visual design, and the plethora of non-human characters and enemies (after the first environment, I don’t think there are any more human enemies). I even liked the silly Ogles in their mountain mines, dancing and shaking their butts every time I saved them.

This was like the sneezing panda video of character animations.

This was like the sneezing panda video of character animations.

I also really liked the Storm Bow, although it wasn’t always that useful.

There is a certain beauty to the literalness of the Storm Bows name. It’s not poetic. It doesn’t shoot a storm of arrows, or do damage equivalent of a storm. It literally shoots a storm at opponents.
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