More Guns That Don’t Exist

Steak Gun: Attaches a steak to target. A randomly generated jungle cat (tiger, panther. etc.) attacks each target with a steak stuck to it, in order of first steak fired to last. Sometimes the randomly generated cat is a small adorable kitten that perches on the head of the target.

Piranha Machine Gun

Crotch Shark Gun: The player javelin-throws a shark that homes in on a person’s crotch.

Spike Wall Gun: Firing at a section of wall or floor will release a bed of spikes from this surface, impaling anyone ala Prince of Persia.

Thwomp Gun: Firing at a section of the level will create a thwomp like trap which disintegrates in time or once the number of thwomps allowed in the map is exceeded. It was this gun that inspired a name for the hypothetical FPS that would feature all these weapons: Constantly Shifting Zones of Craziness.

Globe Of Water Gun: Fires a large bubble of water that hangs in the air slowing down anyone or thing trying to pass through it. It could potentially be an alt-fire for the piranha machine gun since if piranhas, sharks, or octopi are fired into the globe of water they will swim around and attack anyone else in the water.

Oil Flamethrower/Victim Robot: A typical gun that shoots oil and fire. Oil can be placed on the ground to make things slippery and then later ignited. To make it more interesting it could be a robot the player carries around. Ripping off it’s chest will spew oil everywhere while snapping it’s neck will fire sparks that could ignite the oil.

Magical Birdcage/Cricket Cage Filled with Locusts: Rapid fires a host of song birds that fly like singing bullets at enemy. Alternate could be a swarm of locusts.

It was pointed out that many of these guns are animals.

It was also pointed out that levels should be designed with the possibility of walking on walls and ceilings, in order to add to the madness.

Critical Analysis Gun: When someone is hit, they must use the in game chat feature to post a 100 word analysis of some aspect of this game. During this time they might be invincible but will explode if they don’t do it fast enough. Headshots, body shots, arms shots all create a different word length and time limit, and maybe even word requirements (example: use the word “paradigm” at least twice and the word “obfuscate” at least once).

Fungal Gun: Shoots corpses of players to grow large mushroom/fungal formations. Corpses may rise in the form of fungal zombies who really want to be near each other and try to hold hands. If enough fungal zombies congregate they merge to form a fungal tree which spawns new fungal zombies periodically which attack players.

Bomb Vest Gun/Kamikaze Octopus: A gun that fires a suicide bomber’s bomb vest onto opponent. They have five seconds to decide what to do before it explodes. The bomb vest could also easily be an octopus carrying dynamite, or a small child that wants a piggy back ride but then explodes for some reason.


Speak, mortal, if you dare...

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