Tagged: satire

(NSFW) TittyTech™ in Diablo: a brief slice of gaming history

diablosuccubi
succubus model

Replaying the original Diablo recently reminding me of a little (or should I say, big) aspect that was never duplicated with as much success in the sequels.

I’m talking of course about the boobs.

Players who managed to reach the deepest levels of Diablo were given a break from the sight of skeletons and goatmen, and were rewarded with the welcoming view of the Succubi and their massive, swinging breasts.

In order to achieve this level of breast fidelity Blizzard North had to use the third party proprietary software known as TittyTech™.
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“Your people require more maggot lollipops.” An unknown inspiration for Destiny.

What most people don’t realize, because Bungie has been very tight lipped about this, is that the Hive take a great deal of inspiration from a little known 1999 real time strategy/city building game called “Alien Nations”, by German Developer JoWooD Productions.

In Alien Nations you could select to play one of three alien species: the blue Pimmons, the large breasted and scantily clad Amazons (WTF???), and the insectoid Sajkhi.

alien nations race screen

It is the last of these that was the direct inspiration for Destiny’s Hive. Not only are the Sajkhi insects, like the Hive, but the Sajkhi also farm maggots which are their primary food source. It was the maggot farming that was the direct inspiration for the Hive’s worm narrative in Destiny:

alien nations sajkhi maggot

The Sajkhi also had a “Hall of Orgies” (WTF???) as their recreation building, so expect that to definitely be a Raid in the next Destiny expansion.

Dear Readers! Post in the comments if you’d like to join me in starting a kickstarter campaign for the world’s first Hall of Orgies! Wouldn’t all our lives be a little better if there was a Hall of Orgies in every city? Well, this kickstarter campaign is how we make that dream a reality. Post in the comments!

The Contrasting Diaries of JC Denton and Señor Guns

deus ex stun prod

I originally wrote this when the new Deus Ex came out and I replayed the original. I wrote it to point out how unbalanced the different builds paths happened to be in Dues Ex.

Some people complained that in the new game, if you focused on non-lethal skills that this would sabotage other parts of the game like certain boss battles. What I wanted to point out was that this was still true in the original game, and that the unbalance between tech paths was, in some cases, even worse in the original game.

I wanted to do more work on it before posting it, but oh well.

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Reviews That Don’t Exist: Penumbra Overture

“Rocks don’t belong in a crate! They belong in a museum!”

A friend of mine, let’s call him “Justin”, suggested I play a game, let’s call it Penumbra: Overture.

I decided to play the game and damn well enjoy it. Its requirements exceeded the might of my computer, but I didn’t worry about this because that would be like worrying about the physical quality of ink and paper meeting the requirements of William Faulkner’s prose.

For the sake of posterity:

Penumbra Minimum Requirements:

  1. Processor: 2.0Ghz
  2. Memory: 1024MB
  3. Video Card: Radeon 9600

My six year old Apple iBook G4:

  1. Processor: 1.2 GHz
  2. Memory: 256 MB
  3. Video Card: Mobility Radeon 9200

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